My Creations

I can’t help it if they’re cute! By no means a full collection of my creations though. All I can really say is that I need to work on my photography! Lol.

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First Finds

These were found roughly between October 2015-December 2015 in undisclosed locations 😉 We have a Russula Brevipes (from All That the Rain Promises and More… “Better kicked than picked, better punted than hunted!”), possible Butter Bolete, Witches Butter, Fairy Ring!!, cooked Chanterelle, and a Zeller’s Bolete. Plenty of edibles in our own WA backyard 🙂 Just gotta find them. Luckily, Tony is an excellent, if novice, mushroom hunter!

What I stand for!

Hello Tony,

You know me more than I know myself. So this isn’t for you, it’s for me. So I can write down some thoughts and maybe get a little closer to figuring ME out today.

I like all things cute. Hello Kitty, baby animals, some old people, Clint Eastwood…etc. Now don’t anyone get me wrong, I’m not a girly girly. I take pride in blisters and bruises and wouldn’t put on make up even if I knew how. I appreciate natural beauty and kindness; things that you can’t see but have to be shown.

I like silly things and find that a child-like wonderment is the best way to experience many of life’s adventures. There are few things in life that need to be taken so seriously. When they do appear, take care of them and move on.

Real life is not in the past or the future, but the here and now. Sure, pondering the past and preparing for the future is not time wasted – unless it’s emotionally detrimental. I find that enjoying the now makes me happier overall. It’s getting out of your head and into the sounds, feelings, smells of the now.

An open mind is the door to self education, self improvement. Saying “no” to new anything, ideas, food, etc. is a brick wall. Asking questions, especially yourself, will begin to lead you down the rabbit hole into a new world of exploration.

Be genuine; it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and the people around you. It will encourage them to do the same. Once you are your “real self”, then you can find your strengths and weaknesses and go from there.

I certainly don’t exemplify all of these things but I can strive for them. And what is life except a long and unending set of goals? 🙂

I can’t sleep

Iv’e tried to close my eyes and go to sleep, but I can’t seem to pass in to the realm of dreams. Iv’e finally decided to quit fighting my lack of exasperation, and type out some of these thoughts I’m having. Maybe after we hash it out, ill feel a bit more tired.

I have this picture in my head, an on going video that keeps playing. It stems from my discontent with lack of personal control over my time. This comes with a disclaimer; I do enjoy the company of everyone out here, this has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with a collective of people who are more in control of my life, than I am and that pisses me off.

The video that plays is of a conversation that takes place in a casual place. The basis is; Im being asked if I’m going to continue on my current path. Instead of my no confrontation answer “Im not sure yet, I just gotta wait it out and see” My answer becomes a “no”. As always I would be asked the question “why”?

*This little question is a funny thing to me. For some its a genuine question of why? Maybe they are truly curious of what your plans are, or there curious of what the other options are, possibly they wonder about there own choice to persist? There could be a million reasons why.

But for others, this question is an opportunity to influence you in the direction that they find to be the most beneficial for me…which in turn is beneficial to them. This is the basis of many peoples decisions. The questions pops up. The opportunity is given, and a young mind has been molded, history has been made. The whole transaction is hard for me to swallow. But on a typical basis I really don’t want to rock the boat over such meager reasons. So I answer hesitantly, giving them the opportunity to speak to me like they know me…better than me.

In this mental image thats keeping me up; I see things going a little different, and now that I’m writing it it seems like such a silly thing to ruminate over, and I’m glad I don’t rock the boat in those situations. I see myself confidently giving the clear answer “The reason I’m not going to stick around, is because; I just spent the last 6 months away from my family, fiancee, and the place I love. I missed Christmas, and New years. To me there is no career, no money, and no material thing that can pay that back. I would get out tomorrow if I could”. Although this is the truth, I like it because it gives no opportunity to fill my head with non sense that I don’t need, theres already plenty there.

Its funny the dumb things we agonize over. I think the fact that I play that over in my head multiple times makes me more upset, than the actual event. When I really think of the whole scope of things that have happened to me in the past 4 years, I feel incredibly grateful  to have been given this opportunity. Writing this just now helped me realize this. Maybe I can go to sleep now :p

Writing  was probably the most productive thing I could have done. I feel as though my mind has been cleared of the ridiculousness of these thoughts, and I’m left with a feeling of gratitude 🙂

Oh….I also read this passage that I must share!

” I would suggest” he once wrote. “That the whole matter of imaginative literature depends on this faculty of seeing the universe, from the aeonian pebble of the wayside to the raw suburban street, as something new, unheard of, marvelous, finally miraculous”

–Tim Martin, “the Alphabet Library: F is for Far of Things, by Arthur Machen”

It makes me think of taking a photograph. A good photographer can take a simple thing, like a rock, or coffee cup, and use the surrounding’s to create a beautiful photo.

Okay I’m done. going to bed.

A couple of little changes

I hope you like the changes I made to our blog. I was a little bored and felt like fooling around on my computer.

Iv’e found I really enjoy the peaceful solitude behind my computer screen. I know it may seem limiting, but I disagree. Here in this place I have the silence of mind to conjure up anything I can dream of; without the outside influence saying that it’s a trivial pursuit. The only limits I have here are my knowledge base and imagination. There is no control, no levels to beat. Im not being guided here as I explore the technological jungle, I’m hacking my own way through the weeds.I think theres a power to that, were all capable of exploring.

With all this I guess it goes without saying that someone who likes sitting behind there computer is an “introvert”. Whatever, fuck people for putting a label on everything that has a positive or negative connotation. The world is full of all different types of people. All different types of people are paving the way for a better, or worse future. I accept the fact that I’m more introverted, and I like it. The only thing stopping me from truly understanding this world are my fears and my own limiting beliefs, and I have none of those…okay maybe I do. But I’m damn sure not afraid to attack them with a blunt force that will ask them kindly to never come back.

This brings me to another topic…acceptance.  I haven’t always been an accepting person to others, and most of all…my self. I have discovered the power of acceptance, or at least Iv’e tasted it. With acceptance comes an uplifting freedom to no longer act, do, or be someone your not life all the sudden opens it’s self up to you and speaks in understanding tone that says “now that you know, and accept who you are, this is who you can become”  I think in the end, thats all most people are looking for. We look to be accepted by others. But maybe we just need to look in the mirror every day and accept our selves first, then we can move on with the rest of our life as humans. IDK just thinking out loud here.

Iv’e been doing a lot of thinking about us lately, you know that. Usually when were apart I do. I really have nothing else to do, since I mainly hang out with you at home. So I’m left here to ponder my thoughts and try to decipher them. There is so many thoughts sometimes! They seem to pile up like a messy filling system that needs to be organized on a consistent basis. But I think I got a handle on them.

First and formost I always think of my Love for you, and the ever changing landscape we dwell on. The terrain of our or (A) relationship can go from a sunny valley covered with lakes, animals, and plant life to a dramatic mountain range, stuck in a storm. I find that no matter where in this land we are, or what the weather is, there are things of beauty all along the way. It seems that were pretty weather proof, and tough enough to out last any terrain. Time may be our current battle…this battle hasn’t really put up a fight. I loved you a year ago, and I still love you. Ill love you forever and I know our love is much stronger than the test of time or any test for that matter.

To making us everlasting :p

I’m gonna go watch a movie baby face! Ill continue this when I can :p

Baby,

I don’t know if I can ever describe how much I love you and how grateful I am to be with you. Thank you for being patient with me and taking the time to make sure I am ok. You make me happy even from the other side of the world. Words just can’t do you justice and saying that you’re amazing is an understatement. You’re so out of this world that you’re actually more like an alien 👽 😍.

I love you Tony.